this morning, we took pictures after the fresh snow had been laid
for lunch, we decided on feta stuffed lamb burgers
oh, happy day
what the fog?
First - how is fog formed? I now know the answer thanks to Discovery Kids.
Ethan, myself, and Amber couldn't resist a mini-adventure downtown so we hopped in the car and then snapped some photos in the fog. Results below.
Ethan, myself, and Amber couldn't resist a mini-adventure downtown so we hopped in the car and then snapped some photos in the fog. Results below.
new traditions.
We spent our day preparing ham, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. For dessert, apple cider (with butterscotch schnapps), apple pie crumble, and vanilla ice cream. Ethan put on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - which was my first time and then I showed him The Last Holiday - his first time.
you ARE a sinner.
Recently, I've been going through hell with people in my life. Not my friends..no, they're great. With people who think that "because I know you I understand you and I'm therefore entitled to give you my opinion on everything."
I've been on this since my DTS. If I tell you something - that doesn't make us close. It doesn't make us friends. My story is a story of redemption everyday - my story isn't a secret - but my story, especially the past, doesn't define who I am at this very moment. It adds to who I am, but it isn't completely who I am.
So if you know about my mother's murder and that I grew up in a dysfunctional home that doesn't mean that you understand me or that you're my friend. It means that you know a fact about my life.
I am a sinner.
Sexy Missions
I read an article about missions being sexy. I decided to share some of my revelation on just how sexy it is.
Here's what you don't know about missions.
You don't know that once you've committed to being a missionary that almost immediately every believer in your life is going to question that call or convince you to stay in school so that you can have a 'Plan B' in case following Jesus falls through.
You don't know that it is much easier said than done when it truly comes down to pleasing Christ over man.
You don't know that once you've climbed the mountain full of obstacles and difficulty that everyone will still leave you.
You don't know that being a missionary means you're always leaving or saying goodbye.
You don't know that even when you return changed and radicalized by taking the Gospel to unreached people and nations and seeing them come to Christ that you'll come home and find it radically unchanged.
An Audience of One
I, Kortnee Barnes, will not promise BUT will try to be a more consistent blogger! I really want to talk about India and all that the Lord is revealing to me but first I'm going to let you into some struggle and growth I've been going through. So, in the last post I told you that God had answered some HUGE prayers, and He did...I, however, did not use His answers to their full capability and have since been struggling with my role, my relationships, my reality, my faith that God is still near to me..and that was a struggle that has left my heart in a very fragile place with Jesus. Thankfully, I am still with Jesus and no longer wandering about trying to fix myself.
What the Lord is teaching me, Part 1
I am capable of all that He has asked me to do. That faith is not only believing He will but also that only because of Him, I can.
God requires all of who I am.
And He can have it.
I am so tired of even attempting what others want me to be because it's such a filthy, cheap version of what I'm supposed to be in Christ. Any time we try to become other than what God has said we are, we're jilting ourselves, and we're telling God "I'll do this my way because the way you made me isn't good enough."
A Fortified City, an Iron Pillar, a Bronze Wall
I haven't updated in almost a full 4 months! ...oops! A lot has been happening and all to the glory of God. I came home from my DTS and drowned in reverse culture shock, struggling to be back in my "home" with no one who understood where I was coming from, and a lot of confusion on what exactly was coming in this new season. I've always described my walk with God using Psalm 119:105, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path," and I imagine myself standing in a forest so black that it's dense and on my own I have no direction or idea of how to go forward, but God is my lamp and the light shines in the direction I'm supposed to be going just enough for me to take 1 step. After I've taken that step, the lamp continues to show me step by step and it is only with complete faith that I follow the light.
Community
Community
I had been praying to find friends who loved Jesus for what seemed like forever and I hadn't been finding it. I've been finding people who are verbally saying they love Jesus but denying Him by their actions, or people who don't know Him, and those people are good friends but I've definitely needed solid believers to pour into me and pour into. But God can use ANYONE! I met my friend Danielle through one of my roommates who is not a believer. Danielle gets it. She totally sees the glory, understands the urgency, and seeks the fullness of Christ. We've been having some deep conversations about the Lord and His glory and His plan and the coming of His Kingdom...it goes on and on, just like His faithfulness! Because of my deep friendship with her I've been introduced to her group of friends who live in a house run by their church; it's been day and night having community with these kids! I've just been incredibly blessed and it is so worth the frustration and struggle then to have this now.
For the Lord, Our God, Is Faithful.
Today is a beautiful day.
I woke up this morning and for the first time in a few weeks I listened to worship, I talked with God, and I just let go of everything. This season is about trusting God, do I trust Him? Why wouldn't I? He has never given me a reason to think that I couldn't, and yet, at every opportunity to run to Him instead I run from Him.
I've never had a father...and yet I always have. God has taken care of me, always, He has never failed me and of course He never will. I needed to get my heart right. I'm thankful that I did this morning. I felt myself come back into God's presence and He hasn't left me yet. Continuing to revitalize the parts of me that were dying. Proclaiming life over them. Taking authority and keeping me in His thoughts. He's good.
There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. I fight demons sometimes. Demons that tell me it's too hard to live this way, demons that try to convince me that I need to cut myself in order to feel relief. Things that tell me I'm not good enough. I'm not that person anymore. I haven't been for that person for years. My relief, my joy, my hope, my strength they don't come from those things anymore. There are no more demonic strongholds over those areas of my life.
I woke up this morning and for the first time in a few weeks I listened to worship, I talked with God, and I just let go of everything. This season is about trusting God, do I trust Him? Why wouldn't I? He has never given me a reason to think that I couldn't, and yet, at every opportunity to run to Him instead I run from Him.
I've never had a father...and yet I always have. God has taken care of me, always, He has never failed me and of course He never will. I needed to get my heart right. I'm thankful that I did this morning. I felt myself come back into God's presence and He hasn't left me yet. Continuing to revitalize the parts of me that were dying. Proclaiming life over them. Taking authority and keeping me in His thoughts. He's good.
There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. I fight demons sometimes. Demons that tell me it's too hard to live this way, demons that try to convince me that I need to cut myself in order to feel relief. Things that tell me I'm not good enough. I'm not that person anymore. I haven't been for that person for years. My relief, my joy, my hope, my strength they don't come from those things anymore. There are no more demonic strongholds over those areas of my life.
"Is anything too hard for me?"
A question that the Lord has been asking for quite some time now.
Kortnee, how much more do you need to see? When will you fully let go of everything in your life? Where is the trust in our relationship?
In the book of Jeremiah, the book God has given me for India, He asked me a serious question that shook the core of all that I thought I was; 31.22, "How long will you wander, O unfaithful daughter?"
CRAP.
God, for just a moment, can you not ask me questions that are going to unravel everything that's left of me?
I've been stuck on this verse, continuously coming back to it, and trying to figure out for the life of me how to give God an honest answer.
Now it's time for the backstory of all that has happened since September 1 to September 2. In the course of 24 hours the God of all creation stirred up my heart to change my life from this day forward. You may only get that if you go to LifeChurch, but I highly encourage you to watch the latest Marriage series. Anyway, I went to the gym on Saturday morning and God said, "Talk to the girl who just walked in." I turned around and sure enough there was a girl there, I continued running, deciding if I would speak to her or not because everything is a choice. Within 3 seconds of saying hello we had sparked a new friendship and conversation that led us to find a great overlapping in our lives. I found out that, Efe (eff-ay), is 28 and not a student at UCO which led her to ask me what I was studying and I told her, naturally, about doing a DTS with YWAM. Her mouth dropped as she gasped for the word, "NO!" My first thoughts were...that good, huh? Then she began to tell me how for the last three weeks God has continued to bring her fellowship and friends who are from YWAM Kona, YWAM Orange Country, and that she's been having dreams of YWAM and Australia and that she'd had a dream on Friday night and when she woke up Saturday morning she said to the Lord, "I am listening and I want whatever you want," and then we met in the gym!! How cool is God?!
We talked a bit longer and exchanged phone numbers. She told me about a worship event the next night and I invited her to church. Yesterday, Sunday, we got up and went to church and heard a great message. I ran into a few friends there and so did she so four of us went out afterward and grabbed tea and crepes and then we fellowshipped for hours. Testimonies of God's grace, having prayers answered, promises fulfilled, and praising an Almighty God who loves us unconditionally and gives us all that we NEED and sometimes blesses in abundance to those needs.
As per usual, all things must be documented with a photo on #instagram, and we asked a girl in the shop if she would mind. Maybe you know what's next...God asked me to talk to her. We were leaving, so I scribbled a thank you note to her and said we'd love to hangout with my name and number attached, and then we left. I found out that she's from California and she's a Christian and she's only just moved to Oklahoma. What a blessing!
At this point our day is just getting started. We make our way to NW OKC and sit down with a family that Efe knows. During this time I am able to hear the hearts of these children who are sold out for the Gospel. They're going on mission, they're getting their GEDs so they can go into YWAM, so they can go into the field and be missionaries, and they're trusting God to give them the desires of their hearts....to serve Him fully.
I was incredibly blessed by them. We shared testimonies and prayers and vision for the coming of our Lord. It was an incredibly ordained time where I found that this family leads the worship event we were going to so we all headed over to the location and then God just rocked the house.
He does that because He's God! Visions, prophetic acts, people getting words for the city, intercession, spontaneous worship, the reading of Scripture, and freedom in the Spirit. I am blessed.
I have been praying and asking God to connect me with a fellowship outside of my church for 3 weeks and He answered with a resounding, "I heard you." Thank you Isaiah 65.24, while we are still prying he answers, and He has. Right under my nose where I have grown up! Around the corner from where I lived are people willing to live and die for the Gospel, sold out for the beauty of Christ, and ready to bring the truth of Christ to this fatherless, godless, and dark city.
He's showing up.
The time is here.
All of that because I chose to speak to the girl in the gym. God solidified her next season and answered a multitude of prayers of mine. Last week, I spoke to my bible study about radical obedience, what's that look like?
For me, it's this:
Obeying without hesitation.
When I hear God, it's clear. That moment of, 'Should I?' All that is out the window, of course I should, it's not like it's Satan saying, "Talk to that girl and share Jesus with her," because that's the last thing he wants!
Live your life as worship!
Now for a brief about India:
I'm going, that's decided. I'm in the process of securing a position with Pioneers. Going through the interview processes and applications and still praying about what God wants. It's all about His will and not about mine so trying to keep the focus on that. If it doesn't work out with one organization that's because God has planned something else. I'm looking forward to more of an update on that soon.
My finances are crazy right now.
I'm living at my means which makes me feel like Paul, I know what it is to have and what it is to have not, and that's beautiful to me! I'm learning to live simply and I'm in love with it. I'm putting myself on a $20/week budget for groceries. This month I was supposed to only have $20 until next month, but then I found out for some reason I don't have a cell phone bill due until October! It's a definite blessing because now I have an extra $100 to bless others and to stay "warm and well fed." Thank you, James.
My heart is wrenching for those without and I desire to be like my God though I am unworthy. The Son of Man has no place to rest His head, do you really want to follow Him? I do.
Until next time,
Kortnee
Kortnee, how much more do you need to see? When will you fully let go of everything in your life? Where is the trust in our relationship?
In the book of Jeremiah, the book God has given me for India, He asked me a serious question that shook the core of all that I thought I was; 31.22, "How long will you wander, O unfaithful daughter?"
CRAP.
God, for just a moment, can you not ask me questions that are going to unravel everything that's left of me?
I've been stuck on this verse, continuously coming back to it, and trying to figure out for the life of me how to give God an honest answer.
Now it's time for the backstory of all that has happened since September 1 to September 2. In the course of 24 hours the God of all creation stirred up my heart to change my life from this day forward. You may only get that if you go to LifeChurch, but I highly encourage you to watch the latest Marriage series. Anyway, I went to the gym on Saturday morning and God said, "Talk to the girl who just walked in." I turned around and sure enough there was a girl there, I continued running, deciding if I would speak to her or not because everything is a choice. Within 3 seconds of saying hello we had sparked a new friendship and conversation that led us to find a great overlapping in our lives. I found out that, Efe (eff-ay), is 28 and not a student at UCO which led her to ask me what I was studying and I told her, naturally, about doing a DTS with YWAM. Her mouth dropped as she gasped for the word, "NO!" My first thoughts were...that good, huh? Then she began to tell me how for the last three weeks God has continued to bring her fellowship and friends who are from YWAM Kona, YWAM Orange Country, and that she's been having dreams of YWAM and Australia and that she'd had a dream on Friday night and when she woke up Saturday morning she said to the Lord, "I am listening and I want whatever you want," and then we met in the gym!! How cool is God?!
We talked a bit longer and exchanged phone numbers. She told me about a worship event the next night and I invited her to church. Yesterday, Sunday, we got up and went to church and heard a great message. I ran into a few friends there and so did she so four of us went out afterward and grabbed tea and crepes and then we fellowshipped for hours. Testimonies of God's grace, having prayers answered, promises fulfilled, and praising an Almighty God who loves us unconditionally and gives us all that we NEED and sometimes blesses in abundance to those needs.
As per usual, all things must be documented with a photo on #instagram, and we asked a girl in the shop if she would mind. Maybe you know what's next...God asked me to talk to her. We were leaving, so I scribbled a thank you note to her and said we'd love to hangout with my name and number attached, and then we left. I found out that she's from California and she's a Christian and she's only just moved to Oklahoma. What a blessing!
At this point our day is just getting started. We make our way to NW OKC and sit down with a family that Efe knows. During this time I am able to hear the hearts of these children who are sold out for the Gospel. They're going on mission, they're getting their GEDs so they can go into YWAM, so they can go into the field and be missionaries, and they're trusting God to give them the desires of their hearts....to serve Him fully.
I was incredibly blessed by them. We shared testimonies and prayers and vision for the coming of our Lord. It was an incredibly ordained time where I found that this family leads the worship event we were going to so we all headed over to the location and then God just rocked the house.
He does that because He's God! Visions, prophetic acts, people getting words for the city, intercession, spontaneous worship, the reading of Scripture, and freedom in the Spirit. I am blessed.
I have been praying and asking God to connect me with a fellowship outside of my church for 3 weeks and He answered with a resounding, "I heard you." Thank you Isaiah 65.24, while we are still prying he answers, and He has. Right under my nose where I have grown up! Around the corner from where I lived are people willing to live and die for the Gospel, sold out for the beauty of Christ, and ready to bring the truth of Christ to this fatherless, godless, and dark city.
He's showing up.
The time is here.
All of that because I chose to speak to the girl in the gym. God solidified her next season and answered a multitude of prayers of mine. Last week, I spoke to my bible study about radical obedience, what's that look like?
For me, it's this:
Obeying without hesitation.
When I hear God, it's clear. That moment of, 'Should I?' All that is out the window, of course I should, it's not like it's Satan saying, "Talk to that girl and share Jesus with her," because that's the last thing he wants!
Live your life as worship!
Now for a brief about India:
I'm going, that's decided. I'm in the process of securing a position with Pioneers. Going through the interview processes and applications and still praying about what God wants. It's all about His will and not about mine so trying to keep the focus on that. If it doesn't work out with one organization that's because God has planned something else. I'm looking forward to more of an update on that soon.
My finances are crazy right now.
I'm living at my means which makes me feel like Paul, I know what it is to have and what it is to have not, and that's beautiful to me! I'm learning to live simply and I'm in love with it. I'm putting myself on a $20/week budget for groceries. This month I was supposed to only have $20 until next month, but then I found out for some reason I don't have a cell phone bill due until October! It's a definite blessing because now I have an extra $100 to bless others and to stay "warm and well fed." Thank you, James.
My heart is wrenching for those without and I desire to be like my God though I am unworthy. The Son of Man has no place to rest His head, do you really want to follow Him? I do.
Until next time,
Kortnee
Welcome back, welcome back!
I have been back in the United States for 8 days now and it has been an amazing "re-entry" for me! I spent last week in Dallas catching up with my friends there and doing some network marketing at the same time...I know, back to the 'busy' life already, but that's how I like my life!
Monday night, I drove up with my girlfriends Lauren and Toni to Oklahoma City and yesterday we drove to Stillwater where I have been catching up with all my friends here. It's been great seeing them, catching up on their lives and sharing what God has done in mine, and through those conversations I just get this overwhelming word: GROWTH.
I have grown so much in these six months that it is mind boggling to be just a drop in this ocean of people. So while it is great to know that I've grown and that I need to continue to grow, it is really humbling to know there are 7 billion other people who need to grow or continue to grow with God.
It's so cool! I just love who God is and His faithfulness in all things. I have seen my friends and it feels like no time has passed between us. These are the friendships that I long for. I love these girls!
And, really exciting...HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA! I have come home with a new love of my country. You know that saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone?" well I definitely realized how great it is to live here. The rest of the world is amazing, but right here in Oklahoma, United States...that's home and it just feels right!
So while I sit back today and enjoy the beauty of this nation and pray into its future and its values and just ask for the holiness and grace of God in all things I am also going to rejoice in what the Lord has done and is doing.
It has been an incredible past six months, but I'm just getting started.
Welcome Home,
Kortnee
Monday night, I drove up with my girlfriends Lauren and Toni to Oklahoma City and yesterday we drove to Stillwater where I have been catching up with all my friends here. It's been great seeing them, catching up on their lives and sharing what God has done in mine, and through those conversations I just get this overwhelming word: GROWTH.
I have grown so much in these six months that it is mind boggling to be just a drop in this ocean of people. So while it is great to know that I've grown and that I need to continue to grow, it is really humbling to know there are 7 billion other people who need to grow or continue to grow with God.
It's so cool! I just love who God is and His faithfulness in all things. I have seen my friends and it feels like no time has passed between us. These are the friendships that I long for. I love these girls!
And, really exciting...HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA! I have come home with a new love of my country. You know that saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone?" well I definitely realized how great it is to live here. The rest of the world is amazing, but right here in Oklahoma, United States...that's home and it just feels right!
So while I sit back today and enjoy the beauty of this nation and pray into its future and its values and just ask for the holiness and grace of God in all things I am also going to rejoice in what the Lord has done and is doing.
It has been an incredible past six months, but I'm just getting started.
Welcome Home,
Kortnee
Memories That Never Die
The past few days have been full of laughter, last moments, and love. What began in January as a trip to Atlanta, GA to encounter Jesus turned into a life altering 3 days and as 12 students set out to seek the face of the Lord on the other side of the world in Biarritz, FR...the number of students would soon become 13 as I joined the team. It seems forever ago when that moment was fresh, when it was reality, when it was still up in the air as to what exactly I would be doing in France.
We celebrated graduation on Friday afternoon with speeches, slideshows, and delicious food being served to us. We were served chicken breast, carrots, and potatoes with aioli. It was a brilliant meal shared with hands down the most appropriate and amazing people for this season in my life.
And as we sat around the table yesterday morning, taking each other in, the laughs, personalities, jokes, I realized how much of an impact they had on me. I understand that they really changed me and shaped me. We took many pictures, we held each other to remember what we smelled like, we wiped at each other's flowing tears, and we realized that this was really the end. Likely, the last time we would all be together in one place.
The four of us piled into Dan's car, myself, KT, Tucker, and Kelsey. We waved to the girls and watched as they became distant figures in the mirror. Dan drove us to the train station, walked us to the platform where hugged us tight, told us to be safe, then we watched him blur out of our vision and boarded our train.
Six hours, two movies, and a few naps later we got off in Paris Montparnasse station and headed to our apartment. The eerieness of going through the metro station with only 4 people instead of 13 overwhelmed us. It is a strange feeling when you have boarded metros together for 3 consecutive months on a regular basis hearing the voices of others, looking for that safety, and it not being there.
We arrived at our apartment, settled in, went and ordered pizza and then ate on a hill that overlooks most of Paris to celebrate KT's birthday. We returned to the apartment, I packed, KT Skyped, the others updated family members and then we woke early this morning to bid KT goodbye. Next to go, Tucker and Kelsey tomorrow morning and I will leave in the afternoon.
A few more memories from this last week;
I'm excited, but it just hasn't fully hit me yet.
Reverse culture shock here I come.
The road has been long and it wasn't paved so I've stumbled here and there, but how amazing to look back on this time. What a blessing it has been. Thank you for journeying with me. Until the next adventure....
-Kortnee
He is the lead role
Are you in awe of the cross?
I certainly wasn't most of my time here and only in the past few weeks have I begun to comprehend what Jesus did...how incredible a love, how mighty a Savior, how Anointed with grace that he would do something so infinite.Last night Kelsey and I had a 3 hour conversation about a lot of things, but really centralized on God and what life looking like Him really is. It's scary that we can be so incredibly prideful in acts of humility.
During evangelism yesterday I spoke with a guy and at the end he shook my hand and hugged me. The disturbing thing I immediately thought was, 'Why is this man hugging me? This is weird...ew,' and then my next thought was, 'How do you think you're above hugging people? What do you think you looked like when Jesus found you? Jesus loves these people, He loves them all, and he doesn't care what they look like...and that I was one of the worst.'
Talk about a humbling moment. My heart just broke for God's grace...how much I yearn to be like Him.
I always wonder if Jesus was here today if I would follow him.
It's something to think about and be honest with yourself. Why haven't I been able to say YES, of course I would...because in the earthly I can be many things, most of which, do not look like Jesus.
But God says that I am different, set apart, adopted...so I choose to be those things by His grace and nothing else, thank you Holy Spirit.
As we spend this Saturday packing and cleaning so we can leave for Biarritz tomorrow I am happy to say that I feel clean and I feel like my heart doesn't have any baggage right now. There's this cloud nine feeling coursing through my veins. And I think it comes from knowing
He is everything.
Tomorrow's Friday, Friday!
So we went to the Eiffel Tower and met one of the ministries that we worked with in London and had lunch under the tower with them, then we took the metro back to Belleville to have history class, we took the metro back to the Eiffel Tower and looked at all of the freemasonry that was represented on different monuments and then we walked down Champs-Elysees praying for the area. It was a good last day.
The next few days will be full of packing, cleaning, and evangelizing! I'm excited for the weekend and I should definitely get in bed (it's 11:32 pm here in France). And as Rihanna says...'cheers to the freakin' weekend.'
Has it hit you yet?
I heard this question so much before I left and in the first few weeks of being in Europe. I always said no and tonight I am finally realizing that I have lived here and seen amazing things, done things only done with the help of God, and seen miracles the size of mountains.
Yes, it has finally hit me.
Now that I'm preparing for graduation, I cannot believe that I've been to two of the major cities in the world...I've lived in them! I've been to Spain, I've surfed, I went to the beach everyday for 2 months, I've eaten real food. Some people would say, "do the 'crazy' things...while you're young." And I say, "Do the crazy things." I'm not doing anything that millions of people haven't already done. I'm not seeing anything "first." I'm walking where feet have already been! That's encouraging, though! I am not a tourist, of course I have seen all the stuff, but the only architecture I'm interested in is that which God has made. The mountains, the ocean, the islands, the Great Plains...no man can ever come close to what He has made. In my time away, I've killed my materialism or rather Jesus took it and trashed it, and I am so thankful for that. It's a reminder though to hold things with an open hand or it just hurts more.
I will be focusing on making relationships with women. What I've learned is that while I was being raised I never had a true mother or father figure. I was raised by my grandmother, whom I have an excellent relationship with now, but then it was very tough. So I've never known how to have good relationships with men or with women. I want to go home and work hard for that, first and foremost with Jesus, always...and then with other women. I have no interest in being friends with men the first few months that I'm home. Most girls have no problems having 'guy' friends but since they don't like 'drama' they never have girlfriends. I'm not in high school anymore, I understand now that you need strongly rooted women to support you throughout life.
Jesus, take all of my life. It is yours.
I'm ready for Wal-Mart at 12 AM to grab Doritos, cream cheese, and nail polish. I'm ready to be able to buy 2 double cheeseburgers, fries, and a parfait for less than $5.
Europe is amazing, but it isn't home, and on that note neither is America. Home is everywhere even when you don't have a place to lay your head. But, America is what I know.
For 20 years, it's all I've ever known and I am reminded that I have to be careful. God will make me strong, He will prosper me, because He has promised me, but I must keep myself accountable as well.
In December, I turn 21, and I won't be drinking. From July 1, 2012 to July 1, 2013 I will be sober for an entire year. Why? Not because I'm 'religious.' I believe that Jesus created wine from water, I believe that drinking can be honoring to God, and I know that I have never consumed alcohol for the glory of God.
It's a learning curve and I am definitely learning.
Yes, it has finally hit me.
Now that I'm preparing for graduation, I cannot believe that I've been to two of the major cities in the world...I've lived in them! I've been to Spain, I've surfed, I went to the beach everyday for 2 months, I've eaten real food. Some people would say, "do the 'crazy' things...while you're young." And I say, "Do the crazy things." I'm not doing anything that millions of people haven't already done. I'm not seeing anything "first." I'm walking where feet have already been! That's encouraging, though! I am not a tourist, of course I have seen all the stuff, but the only architecture I'm interested in is that which God has made. The mountains, the ocean, the islands, the Great Plains...no man can ever come close to what He has made. In my time away, I've killed my materialism or rather Jesus took it and trashed it, and I am so thankful for that. It's a reminder though to hold things with an open hand or it just hurts more.
I will be focusing on making relationships with women. What I've learned is that while I was being raised I never had a true mother or father figure. I was raised by my grandmother, whom I have an excellent relationship with now, but then it was very tough. So I've never known how to have good relationships with men or with women. I want to go home and work hard for that, first and foremost with Jesus, always...and then with other women. I have no interest in being friends with men the first few months that I'm home. Most girls have no problems having 'guy' friends but since they don't like 'drama' they never have girlfriends. I'm not in high school anymore, I understand now that you need strongly rooted women to support you throughout life.
Jesus, take all of my life. It is yours.
I'm ready for Wal-Mart at 12 AM to grab Doritos, cream cheese, and nail polish. I'm ready to be able to buy 2 double cheeseburgers, fries, and a parfait for less than $5.
Europe is amazing, but it isn't home, and on that note neither is America. Home is everywhere even when you don't have a place to lay your head. But, America is what I know.
For 20 years, it's all I've ever known and I am reminded that I have to be careful. God will make me strong, He will prosper me, because He has promised me, but I must keep myself accountable as well.
In December, I turn 21, and I won't be drinking. From July 1, 2012 to July 1, 2013 I will be sober for an entire year. Why? Not because I'm 'religious.' I believe that Jesus created wine from water, I believe that drinking can be honoring to God, and I know that I have never consumed alcohol for the glory of God.
It's a learning curve and I am definitely learning.
Non, mais ca va!
Beautiful sunshine has covered us as we walked along the Seine worshipping the God that reigns, speaking out truth along the streets, and praying in the Notre Dame. While it's amazing there is a real fight going on. The kind that makes Ephesians 6.12 really spring to life, we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against the spiritual evil in the heavenly realms, and let me say that the evil here knows who we are.
la la la London
Today is my last full day in London.
I have met the most incredible individuals, youth groups, Christians, non-Christians, musicians, artists, and even some people who are in between all those things...and I can say at the end of this 7 weeks that God has grown me and opened my eyes to loving people.
Seeing what God is doing here in London and that the people, the youth especially, are ready and excited for Revival. Every Christian wants to see God's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Amen! I came to do what God wanted me to do in France and now I get to see how my obedience to that is changing parts of the world.
Obeying God without hesitation is one of the biggest things I have learned here. This DTS would have still happened if I had decided to stay at OSU, take a prospective internship with Google, and ignore the clear directions to follow God here...and as much as God has changed my heart for him in the last 5 months I could have been equally as different on a path far away from Him. I am so blessed.
I'm looking forward to trying to come back and continue the work that has been started here before 2012 ends. I know God is planning big and amazing things here. I cannot wait to see them!
I intend to live every day of the rest of my life like an act of worship so that I don't have to build myself up to 'feeling like it' because I want to feel like this forever.
Tomorrow, Paris.
Love for the last time from London,
Kortnee
I have met the most incredible individuals, youth groups, Christians, non-Christians, musicians, artists, and even some people who are in between all those things...and I can say at the end of this 7 weeks that God has grown me and opened my eyes to loving people.
Seeing what God is doing here in London and that the people, the youth especially, are ready and excited for Revival. Every Christian wants to see God's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Amen! I came to do what God wanted me to do in France and now I get to see how my obedience to that is changing parts of the world.
Obeying God without hesitation is one of the biggest things I have learned here. This DTS would have still happened if I had decided to stay at OSU, take a prospective internship with Google, and ignore the clear directions to follow God here...and as much as God has changed my heart for him in the last 5 months I could have been equally as different on a path far away from Him. I am so blessed.
I'm looking forward to trying to come back and continue the work that has been started here before 2012 ends. I know God is planning big and amazing things here. I cannot wait to see them!
I intend to live every day of the rest of my life like an act of worship so that I don't have to build myself up to 'feeling like it' because I want to feel like this forever.
Tomorrow, Paris.
Love for the last time from London,
Kortnee
No time...
Things are going great in London, I don't really have the time to update so here's a small one.
Flying to Paris on Tuesday with the team, prayers please!
3.5 weeks in Paris, then back to Biarritz for graduation and debrief.
Prayers are always amazing, specifically Ephesians 6.19-20 over me and Galatians 1.10 and 6.9, and finances as well.
Update in Paris or before I leave on Tuesday.
Love from London,
Kortnee
Flying to Paris on Tuesday with the team, prayers please!
3.5 weeks in Paris, then back to Biarritz for graduation and debrief.
Prayers are always amazing, specifically Ephesians 6.19-20 over me and Galatians 1.10 and 6.9, and finances as well.
Update in Paris or before I leave on Tuesday.
Love from London,
Kortnee
4 months ago..
"I am so blessed and thankful for your love. My name is Kortnee and I am
currently a sophomore at OSU. I went to Passion last week and God
completely changed the plans I had for myself. I was supposed to come
back to school, work for Google this summer, and then study abroad in
August for 12 months and then God happened. I remember crying and
praying and confessing my sins aloud as 45,000 other believers around me
praised and worshiped their God, and as I was repenting and asking God
to forgive me, cleanse me, and never let me go again all the light I
have ever felt in the world engulfed me. I prayed that God would show me
what the next step was and that He would make whatever the decision was
very clear to me so that all that was left to do would be to obey His
call! And I got exactly what I prayed for! I come from a very loving yet
materialistic family who does not support missions as a 'lifestyle,'
but rather as a hobby or good deed. While that is hard, I fully believe
in God's power and that His arm is not too short (Numbers 11:23). The
cost of the program is $5100 roughly (4000 Euros) and as I walk in faith
knowing that God will provide I pray that you all walk with me in
prayer first and if compelled financially, too. I am so incredibly
blessed and excited to pursue the will of God sans hesitation and I
fully believe He is going to use me and that I will grow. May His life
light shine through me!"
What an amazing reminder at what God has done and is doing. I am so happy I decided to blog about this...what a testimony. Lord, praises to You for Your faithfulness.
And thank you to all my friends who have donated money. To Pastor Cameron and the entire church family who have become my family, Callan for your initial belief in what God was doing, and all those who supported me.
It has meant so incredibly much to me.
You have held me up in prayer and in faith when even my family didn't.
Love,
Kortnee
What an amazing reminder at what God has done and is doing. I am so happy I decided to blog about this...what a testimony. Lord, praises to You for Your faithfulness.
And thank you to all my friends who have donated money. To Pastor Cameron and the entire church family who have become my family, Callan for your initial belief in what God was doing, and all those who supported me.
It has meant so incredibly much to me.
You have held me up in prayer and in faith when even my family didn't.
Love,
Kortnee
Let Go
I apologize for not updating my blog for the past 8 days...there really is no excuse at all.
11 days left in London! Oh my goodness, it's surreal. A few weeks left in Europe and then back to the land of the...whatever it's becoming these days. I feel like I have no idea what's happening in America, but maybe that isn't a bad thing, I'll find out when I get there!
The week was tough: my great great uncle died, a few friends had some drama back at home, and tension with the team.
As water reflects the face,
so one’s life reflects the heart.
Proverbs 27:19-20
I was reminded that my life is my offering to God. And I cannot be a daughter to righeousness and a friend of sin simultaneously. I must choose, I must decide, I must pick one. Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I just don't feel like it, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. This week I became incredibly aware of the elitism, entitlement, and complaining that is part of my daily life. You know, that's disgusting. It makes me want to throw up understanding that there is so much more in me that God has to fix. As the verse above says that human eyes are never satisfied...that's how I feel. It's just...never enough, but I want that to change from it's not enough to it's more than enough. I need to understand that I have much more than I need and some do not even have that.
In addition, I found this new artist that I am borderline obsessed with and I was listening to a new song, 'Let Go,' and it reminded me of Michael. Just the words and the singer's voice and I completely fell apart. Earlier this week, I had a dream about him..he was so real and it was weird! I was reminded of how sweet and real and valuable his love was for me and that is because his love came from God. So, it was healing and revealing and it helped me solidify some other things in my life.
God has truly been highlighting relationships to me. With my family, my friends, strangers...and I want to be able to love everyone. I definitely have the ability, but you know every single thing happens because of a relationship...friendships, love, quarrels, separation, marriages, wars, etc. It all happens depending on your relationship with that person. So comes the famous adage to, "Practice what you preach," so this is my challenge for my life.
This week, I also had a few conversations about praise and giving it all to God. So when someone says, "Your voice is really beautiful." I should reply that I'm thankful God has blessed me instead of taking that as pride and becoming egotistical.
I have much to say and write about, but I just don't have the time right now.
Thanks to all the people who view my blog from time to time and those who read faithfully. Keep praying for me, please. It is such an encouragement to get e-mails, messages, and to see the stats of the 30 different countries that are being impacted.
Glory to God, in the highest!
11 days left in London! Oh my goodness, it's surreal. A few weeks left in Europe and then back to the land of the...whatever it's becoming these days. I feel like I have no idea what's happening in America, but maybe that isn't a bad thing, I'll find out when I get there!
The week was tough: my great great uncle died, a few friends had some drama back at home, and tension with the team.
As water reflects the face,
so one’s life reflects the heart.
Death and Destruction are never satisfied,
and neither are human eyes.
and neither are human eyes.
I was reminded that my life is my offering to God. And I cannot be a daughter to righeousness and a friend of sin simultaneously. I must choose, I must decide, I must pick one. Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I just don't feel like it, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. This week I became incredibly aware of the elitism, entitlement, and complaining that is part of my daily life. You know, that's disgusting. It makes me want to throw up understanding that there is so much more in me that God has to fix. As the verse above says that human eyes are never satisfied...that's how I feel. It's just...never enough, but I want that to change from it's not enough to it's more than enough. I need to understand that I have much more than I need and some do not even have that.
In addition, I found this new artist that I am borderline obsessed with and I was listening to a new song, 'Let Go,' and it reminded me of Michael. Just the words and the singer's voice and I completely fell apart. Earlier this week, I had a dream about him..he was so real and it was weird! I was reminded of how sweet and real and valuable his love was for me and that is because his love came from God. So, it was healing and revealing and it helped me solidify some other things in my life.
God has truly been highlighting relationships to me. With my family, my friends, strangers...and I want to be able to love everyone. I definitely have the ability, but you know every single thing happens because of a relationship...friendships, love, quarrels, separation, marriages, wars, etc. It all happens depending on your relationship with that person. So comes the famous adage to, "Practice what you preach," so this is my challenge for my life.
This week, I also had a few conversations about praise and giving it all to God. So when someone says, "Your voice is really beautiful." I should reply that I'm thankful God has blessed me instead of taking that as pride and becoming egotistical.
I have much to say and write about, but I just don't have the time right now.
Thanks to all the people who view my blog from time to time and those who read faithfully. Keep praying for me, please. It is such an encouragement to get e-mails, messages, and to see the stats of the 30 different countries that are being impacted.
Glory to God, in the highest!
John 3.30
yesterday during evagelism:
1 Muslim woman, 1 Jewish woman, 1 Atheist woman, 1 Agnostic woman.
I had amazing and appointed conversations where all heard the Gospel.
So blessed :)
He must become greater, I must become less.
God has prepared the way and I am just walking in faith on it. I have been anointed to do great things in His name and for His glory. I'm ready, I'm willing, I'm going to succeed. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength and God knows the plans He has for me and they are not to harm me but to prosper me. I trust in the Lord and do not lean on my own understanding I simply submit to Him and He makes my paths straight.
Lord, you are number one.
***Monday, we spent the day exploring London as tourists. Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, London Eye, M&M World, and these massive lions. It was a great day!
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