As it is, January 2012 is the second semester of my sophomore year at Oklahoma State! :) I had filled out my application to study abroad in the fall, I had purchased my books, was excited for my classes, planning to go on mission trips to Uganda and Israel, applied to work for Google as in intern, when that was done I would fly to London and spend a week, and then fly to France to begin coursework for an academic year! I wanted to go to Oktoberfest in Germany, Semana Santa in Spain, paraglide in the Alps, experience outdoor markets on a grand scale, and then when I finished school in June I planned to either stay and travel more or to apply for internships in France and Spain.
This was the complete plan for the next 18 months of my life until January 5th.
When I went to Passion, I was spiritually dead. Apathetic and uncaring, comfortable and complacent, and just so distant in trusting God and having faith in Him. I always believed, but it was not genuine last semester. I went to Bible study, praise service, worked in the nursery...but I wasn't being spiritually fed and I think that is partly because I worked in the nursery during the sermon. I can say that truly I believed I was on the path to Hell because I had no faith in God's word even though I know it is real. So, I'm going to directly copy my entries from the journal I kept at Passion. Anything I have written in, not from my journal, I will clarify.
January 2: Louie Giglio speaks on first night
"You are NOT here by accident. Do not believe the lie Satan is trying to tell you."
Jesus stops a funeral procession in Nain, touches the stretcher with the dead body on it and says, "Rise up."
Louie said that maybe we think our sins are too much, that we are too far gone, but every day is washed away in grace. Louie also said that being here, for some of us, this was our funeral procession. We came to Passion spiritually dead. And Jesus right now was saying "Rise up" in the middle of our funeral procession.
He then asked people to stand if God they had been in their funeral procession tonight and if that was their life God was NOT going to let that happen. So, I stood. It felt good to be honest.
At the beginning of the night you know I was in tears, but as it went on I became closed and hardened to it, then I was saying to myself, "Why am I here? This was a mistake." And then God, you used Louie to speak to me and answer the very questions I was asking. You answered me like you so clearly do always.
Also, I need you to allow me to understand grace because I hear that you love me and yet I do not understand that.
Jan 3: Beth Moore, morning session
Luke 8: 40-55
v47--> she could not go unnoticed
We are not hidden before Him in this place; God knew the greatest need we have is something private.
We are as sick as our secrets
You cannot be unclean enough to mess Jesus up (*For clarification, Luke 8:40-55 tells the story of a very sick woman who touched the cloak of Jesus. If she touched anyone she could have spread her disease, but Jesus is so incredibly powerful that she touched Him and he HEALED her.)
Our need for healing and wholeness is deep in our marrow. He knows what kind of man or woman you are. As long as you feel unclean, you will not seek Him fully.
Jan 3: Christine Caine, afternoon session
Freedom is the goal of Christianity.
Light is most effective in the darkness.
"My daughter continued to beg me for a Barbie flashlight so one night we went to Wal-Mart and as we were checking out my daughter turned the flashlight on. She said to me, 'Mummy, there's too much light. Can we go find some darkness?' and I thought to myself my daughter's had a revelation at [3 years old].
What are you so afraid of? As if the point of life is to arrive at death safely?
Speaking on human sexual trafficking
Numbers are numbing.
Numbers are dehumanizing.
Numbers are desensitizing.
That's why 27 million sounds so distant.
"..the Samaritan had compassion so he went."
Compassion is not compassion until your life is interrupted, until you're willing to have your life stopped.
We have been saved by grace FOR A PURPOSE
It is by [God's] grace though faith in [Jesus Christ] that my soul has been saved.
Jan 3: Francis Chan, evening session
Do I know the word of God?
Or do I just trust people?
Do I truly believe what this book, the Bible, says?
-I have time to figure it out
-I've been blinded by greed,lust
-I have no faith
WHERE IS IT?
Where is my faith?
You answer me everytime
CHANGE MY HEART
MAKE ME GO --MAKE ME!
1 Samuel 13
1 Samuel 14
People say God doesn't work like that anymore-I think they are all lying! I trust YOU!
You are calling me
Pulling on my heart strings
They don't need me in a semester--they need me now
You say do something-I'm going to do it
I half believe myself.
God place ALL the opportunity and resources before me to GO. NOTHING I have is important. AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
I am writing this in real time: **On this night, during praise and worship, after the sermon, I repented of my sins. I was SCREAMING out to God amongst 45,000 other believers lifting Him up in praise asking Him to take me back, apologizing for being apathetic, no more tattoos, no more cursing, no more no more no more, God please forgive me for drinking, forgive me for sex, forgive me for all these things that I have done against you, for going against your Word. Tears are streaming down my face and for the FIRST time in 5 years I felt overwhelming grace enter into me! Just like when I was saved. He answered me.
And then Louie asked, if God ended your funeral procession, stand up. I did, balling and completely redeemed standing new and tucked into the breast of my Father in Heaven!
January 4: John Piper, evening session
Being satisfied w/All that God is for you through Jesus frees you from the slavery of sin for the sacrifices of love.
*Savor the supremacy of Jesus
God loves it when you, in your soul, are savoring Him; when that happens you outwardly show your freedom. God did not come to be unseen.
*"Before you trusted God, you weren't unchurced. You were dead. You didn't need church, you needed to be raised from the dead."-Louie Giglio
Seeing/savoring and trusting God are the same thing.
-never hunger (coming)
-never thirst (believing)
Only way to please God is through believing.
Faith is a desperate, needy, child-like dependency.
I thought I could just decide the Devil or God; sinner or saint.
Faith is > than that.
2 Kinds of People in the World
slaves of sin
slaves of righteousness
The more satisfied you are in Jesus, the more free you are.
2. Supremacy of Jesus
The supremacy of his deity, his eternality, his knowledge, his power, his trustworthiness (cleans lepers, walks on water, cause the dead to rise), his justice, his patience, his Sovereign, servant obedience.
"God's knowledge makes the library of Congress look like a matchbox."
Supremacy of His wrath, His grace, His love, his inexhaustible gladness.
At the heart and origin of the universe is the gladness of God.
There is not a square inch on planet earth where Jesus Christ doesn't say MINE.
2 Cor 3v18
Thank You, God
This is not about how much debt you're in, how much money you apid. This is about how much he paid for your sins, how much he gave so you would love Him. How much He gave ME
He gave me, He gives me, He supports me, He loves me.
Personal thoughts headed to the Dome on Jan 5:
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have always imagined. -thoreau
God answered: Jan 5
God answered: Jan 5
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. -Neale Donald Walsch
Jan 5: Louie Giglio, last session/closing
"They are in a place of holy mystery. God is among them. *You don't need to wait to participate in the plans of God! The are right NOW.
Ch 6; Ephesians
Pray also for me that words may be given me so that I may fearlessly make know the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I declare it fearlessly as I should.
my words: I'm leaving with nothing, but I have nothing without Christ.
It's time for you to ARISE.
You can still party, but it's going to be a different party.
From the bow of brokenness, launches the arrow of healing.
In 3 days time, Jesus Christ changed my life!!!
On January 4, I e-mailed a church and YWAM telling them I wanted to get involved with their ministry and that I would be moving to work in the mission field at the end of January.
YWAM answered and offered me a spot in their program.
In the last 4 days God has COMPLETELY changed my life!
I prayed that I would be faithful for His provision, I prayed that He would give me confidence, and I prayed against all the negativity that I would hear. And He has answered with a RESOUNDING, "YES" to everything.
I move to France on Sunday, January 15th.
I have no idea what the future holds, but guess what? God does.
And regardless of my plans for my life...they will never overrule God's plan for my life. Not ever.
I have withdrawn from school.
I book my flight tomorrow.
Here's what I love about completely following Jesus.
In Psalm 119:105,
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."
God is the lamp, the world is the darkness. By trusting God, you can only see enough to take the next step into the world and following Jesus continues like that! So, I've been taking my steps and He's been protecting me through His grace.
I am completely faithful, completely confident, and completely immersed in blessings and grace. Thank you Christ, thank you Father. There is a poster that my roommate hung in our living room the day before I returned, it says, "The Will of God will not take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
My family has showed distaste for the decision asking why I can't stay in school, saying that I am pretending to hide behind God, asking why I am really going, and with no disrespect at all...I realize that this is not everyone's call, but I know without doubt that it is mine.
God has been providing people who support this cause! ALL OF THE PRAYERS GOING BEFORE ME AND WITH ME! ALL of the financial support that only GOD has been preparing on the hearts of people! ONLY GOD! My SAVIOR, MY REDEEMER, MY KING.
If you are praying for me, please let me know by commenting here or on Facebook! If you would like to give I will tell you how! But more than anything, the Word of God is upon us and moving and it is time to rise up!!!
To God be the glory, for ever and ever amen. :)