For the Lord, Our God, Is Faithful.

Today is a beautiful day.

I woke up this morning and for the first time in a few weeks I listened to worship, I talked with God, and I just let go of everything. This season is about trusting God, do I trust Him? Why wouldn't I? He has never given me a reason to think that I couldn't, and yet, at every opportunity to run to Him instead I run from Him.

I've never had a father...and yet I always have. God has taken care of me, always, He has never failed me and of course He never will. I needed to get my heart right. I'm thankful that I did this morning. I felt myself come back into God's presence and He hasn't left me yet. Continuing to revitalize the parts of me that were dying. Proclaiming life over them. Taking authority and keeping me in His thoughts. He's good.

There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. I fight demons sometimes. Demons that tell me it's too hard to live this way, demons that try to convince me that I need to cut myself in order to feel relief. Things that tell me I'm not good enough. I'm not that person anymore. I haven't been for that person for years. My relief, my joy, my hope, my strength they don't come from those things anymore. There are no more demonic strongholds over those areas of my life.

"Is anything too hard for me?"

A question that the Lord has been asking for quite some time now.

Kortnee, how much more do you need to see? When will you fully let go of everything in your life? Where is the trust in our relationship?

In the book of Jeremiah, the book God has given me for India, He asked me a serious question that shook the core of all that I thought I was; 31.22, "How long will you wander, O unfaithful daughter?"

CRAP.

God, for just a moment, can you not ask me questions that are going to unravel everything that's left of me?

I've been stuck on this verse, continuously coming back to it, and trying to figure out for the life of me how to give God an honest answer.

Now it's time for the backstory of all that has happened since September 1 to September 2. In the course of 24 hours the God of all creation stirred up my heart to change my life from this day forward. You may only get that if you go to LifeChurch, but I highly encourage you to watch the latest Marriage series. Anyway, I went to the gym on Saturday morning and God said, "Talk to the girl who just walked in." I turned around and sure enough there was a girl there, I continued running, deciding if I would speak to her or not because everything is a choice. Within 3 seconds of saying hello we had sparked a new friendship and conversation that led us to find a great overlapping in our lives. I found out that, Efe (eff-ay), is 28 and not a student at UCO which led her to ask me what I was studying and I told her, naturally, about doing a DTS with YWAM. Her mouth dropped as she gasped for the word, "NO!" My first thoughts were...that good, huh? Then she began to tell me how for the last three weeks God has continued to bring her fellowship and friends who are from YWAM Kona, YWAM Orange Country, and that she's been having dreams of YWAM and Australia and that she'd had a dream on Friday night and when she woke up Saturday morning she said to the Lord, "I am listening and I want whatever you want," and then we met in the gym!! How cool is God?!

We talked a bit longer and exchanged phone numbers. She told me about a worship event the next night and I invited her to church. Yesterday, Sunday, we got up and went to church and heard a great message. I ran into a few friends there and so did she so four of us went out afterward and grabbed tea and crepes and then we fellowshipped for hours. Testimonies of God's grace, having prayers answered, promises fulfilled, and praising an Almighty God who loves us unconditionally and gives us all that we NEED and sometimes blesses in abundance to those needs.

As per usual, all things must be documented with a photo on #instagram, and we asked a girl in the shop if she would mind. Maybe you know what's next...God asked me to talk to her. We were leaving, so I scribbled a thank you note to her and said we'd love to hangout with my name and number attached, and then we left. I found out that she's from California and she's a Christian and she's only just moved to Oklahoma. What a blessing!

At this point our day is just getting started. We make our way to NW OKC and sit down with a family that Efe knows. During this time I am able to hear the hearts of these children who are sold out for the Gospel. They're going on mission, they're getting their GEDs so they can go into YWAM, so they can go into the field and be missionaries, and they're trusting God to give them the desires of their hearts....to serve Him fully.

I was incredibly blessed by them. We shared testimonies and prayers and vision for the coming of our Lord. It was an incredibly ordained time where I found that this family leads the worship event we were going to so we all headed over to the location and then God just rocked the house.

He does that because He's God! Visions, prophetic acts, people getting words for the city, intercession, spontaneous worship, the reading of Scripture, and freedom in the Spirit. I am blessed.

I have been praying and asking God to connect me with a fellowship outside of my church for 3 weeks and He answered with a resounding, "I heard you." Thank you Isaiah 65.24, while we are still prying he answers, and He has. Right under my nose where I have grown up! Around the corner from where I lived are people willing to live and die for the Gospel, sold out for the beauty of Christ, and ready to bring the truth of Christ to this fatherless, godless, and dark city.

He's showing up.
The time is here.

All of that because I chose to speak to the girl in the gym. God solidified her next season and answered a multitude of prayers of mine. Last week, I spoke to my bible study about radical obedience, what's that look like?

For me, it's this:
Obeying without hesitation.

When I hear God, it's clear. That moment of, 'Should I?' All that is out the window, of course I should, it's not like it's Satan saying, "Talk to that girl and share Jesus with her," because that's the last thing he wants!

Live your life as worship!

Now for a brief about India:
I'm going, that's decided. I'm in the process of securing a position with Pioneers. Going through the interview processes and applications and still praying about what God wants. It's all about His will and not about mine so trying to keep the focus on that. If it doesn't work out with one organization that's because God has planned something else. I'm looking forward to more of an update on that soon.

My finances are crazy right now.
I'm living at my means which makes me feel like Paul, I know what it is to have and what it is to have not, and that's beautiful to me! I'm learning to live simply and I'm in love with it. I'm putting myself on a $20/week budget for groceries. This month I was supposed to only have $20 until next month, but then I found out for some reason I don't have a cell phone bill due until October! It's a definite blessing because now I have an extra $100 to bless others and to stay "warm and well fed." Thank you, James.

My heart is wrenching for those without and I desire to be like my God though I am unworthy. The Son of Man has no place to rest His head, do you really want to follow Him? I do.

Until next time,
Kortnee

Welcome back, welcome back!

I have been back in the United States for 8 days now and it has been an amazing "re-entry" for me! I spent last week in Dallas catching up with my friends there and doing some network marketing at the same time...I know, back to the 'busy' life already, but that's how I like my life!

Monday night, I drove up with my girlfriends Lauren and Toni to Oklahoma City and yesterday we drove to Stillwater where I have been catching up with all my friends here. It's been great seeing them, catching up on their lives and sharing what God has done in mine, and through those conversations I just get this overwhelming word: GROWTH.

I have grown so much in these six months that it is mind boggling to be just a drop in this ocean of people. So while it is great to know that I've grown and that I need to continue to grow, it is really humbling to know there are 7 billion other people who need to grow or continue to grow with God.

It's so cool! I just love who God is and His faithfulness in all things. I have seen my friends and it feels like no time has passed between us. These are the friendships that I long for. I love these girls!

And, really exciting...HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA! I have come home with a new love of my country. You know that saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone?" well I definitely realized how great it is to live here. The rest of the world is amazing, but right here in Oklahoma, United States...that's home and it just feels right!

So while I sit back today and enjoy the beauty of this nation and pray into its future and its values and just ask for the holiness and grace of God in all things I am also going to rejoice in what the Lord has done and is doing.

It has been an incredible past six months, but I'm just getting started.


Welcome Home,
Kortnee

Memories That Never Die

The past few days have been full of laughter, last moments, and love. What began in January as a trip to Atlanta, GA to encounter Jesus turned into a life altering 3 days and as 12 students set out to seek the face of the Lord on the other side of the world in Biarritz, FR...the number of students would soon become 13 as I joined the team. It seems forever ago when that moment was fresh, when it was reality, when it was still up in the air as to what exactly I would be doing in France.

We celebrated graduation on Friday afternoon with speeches, slideshows, and delicious food being served to us. We were served chicken breast, carrots, and potatoes with aioli. It was a brilliant meal shared with hands down the most appropriate and amazing people for this season in my life.

Then we walked down to Grand Plage, some of us for the last time maybe in our lives, we watched the clouds rolls in and sat in awe of the glory of Jesus. All things in creation point to His face, His character, and they bow down to him. Watching a sunset can be incredibly humbling as you realize how finite and small you are and you breathe in the realization that there is no way we are the biggest things in the universe. Even the foolishness of God is greater than man's wisdom.

And as we sat around the table yesterday morning, taking each other in, the laughs, personalities, jokes, I realized how much of an impact they had on me. I understand that they really changed me and shaped me. We took many pictures, we held each other to remember what we smelled like, we wiped at each other's flowing tears, and we realized that this was really the end. Likely, the last time we would all be together in one place.

The four of us piled into Dan's car, myself, KT, Tucker, and Kelsey. We waved to the girls and watched as they became distant figures in the mirror. Dan drove us to the train station, walked us to the platform where hugged us tight, told us to be safe, then we watched him blur out of our vision and boarded our train.

Six hours, two movies, and a few naps later we got off in Paris Montparnasse station and headed to our apartment. The eerieness of going through the metro station with only 4 people instead of 13 overwhelmed us. It is a strange feeling when you have boarded metros together for 3 consecutive months on a regular basis hearing the voices of others, looking for that safety, and it not being there.

We arrived at our apartment, settled in, went and ordered pizza and then ate on a hill that overlooks most of Paris to celebrate KT's birthday. We returned to the apartment, I packed, KT Skyped, the others updated family members and then we woke early this morning to bid KT goodbye. Next to go, Tucker and Kelsey tomorrow morning and I will leave in the afternoon.

A few more memories from this last week;

It is very surreal.
I'm excited, but it just hasn't fully hit me yet.
Reverse culture shock here I come.

The road has been long and it wasn't paved so I've stumbled here and there, but how amazing to look back on this time. What a blessing it has been. Thank you for journeying with me. Until the next adventure....

-Kortnee

He is the lead role

Are you in awe of the cross?

I certainly wasn't most of my time here and only in the past few weeks have I begun to comprehend what Jesus did...how incredible a love, how mighty a Savior, how Anointed with grace that he would do something so infinite.

Last night Kelsey and I had a 3 hour conversation about a lot of things, but really centralized on God and what life looking like Him really is. It's scary that we can be so incredibly prideful in acts of humility.

During evangelism yesterday I spoke with a guy and at the end he shook my hand and hugged me. The disturbing thing I immediately thought was, 'Why is this man hugging me? This is weird...ew,' and then my next thought was, 'How do you think you're above hugging people? What do you think you looked like when Jesus found you? Jesus loves these people, He loves them all, and he doesn't care what they look like...and that I was one of the worst.'

Talk about a humbling moment. My heart just broke for God's grace...how much I yearn to be like Him.

I always wonder if Jesus was here today if I would follow him.
It's something to think about and be honest with yourself. Why haven't I been able to say YES, of course I would...because in the earthly I can be many things, most of which, do not look like Jesus.

But God says that I am different, set apart, adopted...so I choose to be those things by His grace and nothing else, thank you Holy Spirit.

As we spend this Saturday packing and cleaning so we can leave for Biarritz tomorrow I am happy to say that I feel clean and I feel like my heart doesn't have any baggage right now. There's this cloud nine feeling coursing through my veins. And I think it comes from knowing

He is everything.

Tomorrow's Friday, Friday!

Part of our ministry time in Paris has been to work and run the restaurant run by the Youth With A Mission base here while their current team is on outreach. It has been a fun experience, last week was my turn on the rotations to be in the kitchen cooking and I learned how to flambe! Half of the team works in the restaurant on Friday and Saturday nights and since this is our last weekend in Paris, that means that today was our last full day as an entire team.

So we went to the Eiffel Tower and met one of the ministries that we worked with in London and had lunch under the tower with them, then we took the metro back to Belleville to have history class, we took the metro back to the Eiffel Tower and looked at all of the freemasonry that was represented on different monuments and then we walked down Champs-Elysees praying for the area. It was a good last day.

The next few days will be full of packing, cleaning, and evangelizing! I'm excited for the weekend and I should definitely get in bed (it's 11:32 pm here in France). And as Rihanna says...'cheers to the freakin' weekend.'

Has it hit you yet?

I heard this question so much before I left and in the first few weeks of being in Europe. I always said no and tonight I am finally realizing that I have lived here and seen amazing things, done things only done with the help of God, and seen miracles the size of mountains.

Yes, it has finally hit me.
Now that I'm preparing for graduation, I cannot believe that I've been to two of the major cities in the world...I've lived in them! I've been to Spain, I've surfed, I went to the beach everyday for 2 months, I've eaten real food. Some people would say, "do the 'crazy' things...while you're young." And I say, "Do the crazy things." I'm not doing anything that millions of people haven't already done. I'm not seeing anything "first." I'm walking where feet have already been! That's encouraging, though! I am not a tourist, of course I have seen all the stuff, but the only architecture I'm interested in is that which God has made. The mountains, the ocean, the islands, the Great Plains...no man can ever come close to what He has made. In my time away, I've killed my materialism or rather Jesus took it and trashed it, and I am so thankful for that. It's a reminder though to hold things with an open hand or it just hurts more.

I will be focusing on making relationships with women. What I've learned is that while I was being raised I never had a true mother or father figure. I was raised by my grandmother, whom I have an excellent relationship with now, but then it was very tough. So I've never known how to have good relationships with men or with women. I want to go home and work hard for that, first and foremost with Jesus, always...and then with other women. I have no interest in being friends with men the first few months that I'm home. Most girls have no problems having 'guy' friends but since they don't like 'drama' they never have girlfriends. I'm not in high school anymore, I understand now that you need strongly rooted women to support you throughout life.

Jesus, take all of my life. It is yours.

I'm ready for Wal-Mart at 12 AM to grab Doritos, cream cheese, and nail polish. I'm ready to be able to buy 2 double cheeseburgers, fries, and a parfait for less than $5.

Europe is amazing, but it isn't home, and on that note neither is America. Home is everywhere even when you don't have a place to lay your head. But, America is what I know.

For 20 years, it's all I've ever known and I am reminded that I have to be careful. God will make me strong, He will prosper me, because He has promised me, but I must keep myself accountable as well.

In December, I turn 21, and I won't be drinking. From July 1, 2012 to July 1, 2013 I will be sober for an entire year. Why? Not because I'm 'religious.' I believe that Jesus created wine from water, I believe that drinking can be honoring to God, and I know that I have never consumed alcohol for the glory of God.

It's a learning curve and I am definitely learning.

Non, mais ca va!

With the pigeons above me and the mice below me it seems to be true that I have arrived in Paris.
 
Beautiful sunshine has covered us as we walked along the Seine worshipping the God that reigns, speaking out truth along the streets, and praying in the Notre Dame. While it's amazing there is a real fight going on. The kind that makes Ephesians 6.12 really spring to life, we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against the spiritual evil in the heavenly realms, and let me say that the evil here knows who we are.

la la la London

Today is my last full day in London.

I have met the most incredible individuals, youth groups, Christians, non-Christians, musicians, artists, and even some people who are in between all those things...and I can say at the end of this 7 weeks that God has grown me and opened my eyes to loving people.

Seeing what God is doing here in London and that the people, the youth especially, are ready and excited for Revival. Every Christian wants to see God's Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. Amen! I came to do what God wanted me to do in France and now I get to see how my obedience to that is changing parts of the world.

Obeying God without hesitation is one of the biggest things I have learned here. This DTS would have still happened if I had decided to stay at OSU, take a prospective internship with Google, and ignore the clear directions to follow God here...and as much as God has changed my heart for him in the last 5 months I could have been equally as different on a path far away from Him. I am so blessed.

I'm looking forward to trying to come back and continue the work that has been started here before 2012 ends. I know God is planning big and amazing things here. I cannot wait to see them!

I intend to live every day of the rest of my life like an act of worship so that I don't have to build myself up to 'feeling like it' because I want to feel like this forever.

Tomorrow, Paris.

Love for the last time from London,
Kortnee

No time...

Things are going great in London, I don't really have the time to update so here's a small one.

Flying to Paris on Tuesday with the team, prayers please!
3.5 weeks in Paris, then back to Biarritz for graduation and debrief.

Prayers are always amazing, specifically Ephesians 6.19-20 over me and Galatians 1.10 and 6.9, and finances as well.

Update in Paris or before I leave on Tuesday.

Love from London,
Kortnee

4 months ago..

"I am so blessed and thankful for your love. My name is Kortnee and I am currently a sophomore at OSU. I went to Passion last week and God completely changed the plans I had for myself. I was supposed to come back to school, work for Google this summer, and then study abroad in August for 12 months and then God happened. I remember crying and praying and confessing my sins aloud as 45,000 other believers around me praised and worshiped their God, and as I was repenting and asking God to forgive me, cleanse me, and never let me go again all the light I have ever felt in the world engulfed me. I prayed that God would show me what the next step was and that He would make whatever the decision was very clear to me so that all that was left to do would be to obey His call! And I got exactly what I prayed for! I come from a very loving yet materialistic family who does not support missions as a 'lifestyle,' but rather as a hobby or good deed. While that is hard, I fully believe in God's power and that His arm is not too short (Numbers 11:23). The cost of the program is $5100 roughly (4000 Euros) and as I walk in faith knowing that God will provide I pray that you all walk with me in prayer first and if compelled financially, too. I am so incredibly blessed and excited to pursue the will of God sans hesitation and I fully believe He is going to use me and that I will grow. May His life light shine through me!"



What an amazing reminder at what God has done and is doing. I am so happy I decided to blog about this...what a testimony. Lord, praises to You for Your faithfulness.

And thank you to all my friends who have donated money. To Pastor Cameron and the entire church family who have become my family, Callan for your initial belief in what God was doing, and all those who supported me.

It has meant so incredibly much to me.
You have held me up in prayer and in faith when even my family didn't.

Love,
Kortnee

Let Go

I apologize for not updating my blog for the past 8 days...there really is no excuse at all.


11 days left in London! Oh my goodness, it's surreal. A few weeks left in Europe and then back to the land of the...whatever it's becoming these days. I feel like I have no idea what's happening in America, but maybe that isn't a bad thing, I'll find out when I get there!

The week was tough: my great great uncle died, a few friends had some drama back at home, and  tension with the team.


As water reflects the face,
    so one’s life reflects the heart.

Death and Destruction are never satisfied,
    and neither are human eyes.

 Proverbs 27:19-20


I was reminded that my life is my offering to God. And I cannot be a daughter to righeousness and a friend of sin simultaneously. I must choose, I must decide, I must pick one.  Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I just don't feel like it, sometimes, sometimes, sometimes. This week I became incredibly aware of the elitism, entitlement, and complaining that is part of my daily life. You know, that's disgusting. It makes me want to throw up understanding that there is so much more in me that God has to fix. As the verse above says that human eyes are never satisfied...that's how I feel. It's just...never enough, but I want that to change from it's not enough to it's more than enough. I need to understand that I have much more than I need and some do not even have that.


In addition, I found this new artist that I am borderline obsessed with and I was listening to a new song, 'Let Go,' and it reminded me of Michael. Just the words and the singer's voice and I completely fell apart.  Earlier this week, I had a dream about him..he was so real and it was weird! I was reminded of how sweet and real and valuable his love was for me and that is because his love came from God. So, it was healing and revealing and it helped me solidify some other things in my life.


God has truly been highlighting relationships to me. With my family, my friends, strangers...and I want to be able to love everyone. I definitely have the ability, but you know every single thing happens because of a relationship...friendships, love, quarrels, separation, marriages, wars, etc. It all happens depending on your relationship with that person. So comes the famous adage to, "Practice what you preach," so this is my challenge for my life.


This week, I also had a few conversations about praise and giving it all to God. So when someone says, "Your voice is really beautiful." I should reply that I'm thankful God has blessed me instead of taking that as pride and becoming egotistical.


I have much to say and write about, but I just don't have the time right now.


Thanks to all the people who view my blog from time to time and those who read faithfully. Keep praying for me, please. It is such an encouragement to get e-mails, messages, and to see the stats of the 30 different countries that are being impacted.


Glory to God, in the highest!

John 3.30

yesterday during evagelism:

1 Muslim woman, 1 Jewish woman, 1 Atheist woman, 1 Agnostic woman.

I had amazing and appointed conversations where all heard the Gospel.

So blessed :)

He must become greater, I must become less.

God has prepared the way and I am just walking in faith on it. I have been anointed to do great things in His name and for His glory. I'm ready, I'm willing, I'm going to succeed. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength and God knows the plans He has for me and they are not to harm me but to prosper me. I trust in the Lord and do not lean on my own understanding I simply submit to Him and He makes my paths straight.

Lord, you are number one.

***Monday, we spent the day exploring London as tourists. Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, London Eye, M&M World, and these massive lions. It was a great day!

The 12

Jesus sends out the 12.

"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who can kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraidé you are worth more than many sparrows."


Tuesday, our team went to 'London Calling' a commissioning service of Christians to go and proclaim the name of Jesus Christ in the streets of London and people just were so reserved about it. I mean, this is our GOD. So, this was a perfect Scripture today...read all of Matthew 10.

I want to give everything, forever. 

love from London,
KB

Revelation.

Yesterday I gave my testimony to 100 people that I did not know at an all day church event where people learn about the 'Journey with God.' I then sat in on a session titled, 'Christ in the Workplace,' and I heard many justifications to why you can't talk about God/faith at work because you might lose your job.

I also heard a lot of people saying..."You're young. You don't understand, I've lived in the world, I've got 30 years on you....I understand that you're 'following Jesus,' but I know how the world works and you need to have a backup plan."

The only reason you need a backup plan with God is because you don't trust Him, you don't really believe that He exists, or you think He may fail you. If God asks you to take a leap of faith, to follow Him into the dark, to leave your life in Oklahoma and move to France with no support and no money, but to trust Him, would you do it?

YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS.

My every move bring glory to your name!

I will follow you, NO turning back.

Had an incredible night giving praise to JESUS CHRIST!

A Father to the fatherless, strength to the weak, rest for the restless. You are my everything.

Are you free? Are you full of joy? Does your life have a purpose? With Jesus all of those things are true.

I'm not talking rules and regulations, I mean true love that is relational.

Matthew 7.21, live and breathe it, let the Lord in. 

He is faithful, never lies, and always provides.

Love wins, especially in the end.

Independent. God.

Looking at these two words I really want to be dependent in God and independent of sin. This morning, Romans 12:16 was highlighted to me, "Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited." This really hits me in my stomach, because I'm not living this Scripture everyday.

Especially 'living in harmony with one another' has been a struggle...add in spiritual warfare, community living, long days, and it's a really good recipe for living with one another, but not always in harmony. And I really have to call myself on the fact that I haven't preferred others in every situation, in Ro 12.18 it goes on to say, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Thank you, Lord for making me realize that I have no excuse. ;) I also have this realization that when I graduate the DTS in June that while I had this amazing experience with these people and I've really seen God working in every single person, that we all have  very different paths on this journey and they may not cross again until Eternity, but even if I'm not best friends with everyone I know that it's okay because I love them so much...and God has so many plans, so many incredible plans for every single one of them. So, I want to consciously say that I want to make an effort every day to live in harmony as far as it depends on me and if you would partner with me in praying that over our time here, that would be awesome.
--[[And a bit of encouragement on this subject: "Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the Law." Ro 13.8]]


I also had the privilege of working with an event called, 'Lobby Lunch,' where the church opens up to members of the community (low income, high income, homeless, tourists, etc) and serves them a beautiful lunch with the best. I mean, truly being a servant. The hardest part of serving others is that my flesh naturally wants to be self serving...praise the Lord that Yeshua was just the opposite making himself the lowest. I found myself being very unwilling and then I realized that in the eyes of the world, Jesus was a person of low position...a carpenter, a servant, a blasphemer...and Lord forbid that I turn the One who saved me away. Please pray that for me because people are just people. I want to see them as God sees them, loved, cherished, special, beautiful, worthy, chosen, important.

*Do not be conceited. In my thoughts, in my talents, in my actions. Gal 1.10, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Am I singing to please the Lord or to receive praise? Am I acting out of love or love of recognition? My life before YWAM was very attuned to receiving praise...as a business major, I thrive on the consistency of praise from men. The life I'm living now is very different, praise the Lord because He has proven His faithfulness repeatedly and I know that this is the right direction.
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We met a girl who became a Christian right after we met her and prayed for her! On Saturday night, we had an open mic/coffee house night and it was such a success! Lots of talented people singing, reading poetry, performing spoken word, and just collaborating on the spot. We had a great night, met some great contacts in the city, and were able to pray with about 5 or 6 people. Praise the Lord! God is really working here, he's really stirring up the youth, starting a revolution. The Lord is able.


Thanks for following the blog, thanks for sharing in what God is doing here, and thank you for your prayers.

"If the Lord delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
Psalm 37.23-24


love from London,
Kortnee

I Don't Want to Go Through the Motions

Sitting on the floor with my things scattered around me I began to write, thoughts flowing from pen to paper ever so naturally, lyrics drilling to the core of my soul:


"I don't want to go through the motions, I don't want to spend one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't want to spend my whole life asking, 'What if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?'"

I titled my journal that I didn't want to go through the motions and I mean that I want to be eager about the Gospel, I want to make Jesus famous, I want to fearlessly make known the mystery of the Gospel.

Little did I know that the Lord would really give me that chance through a woman named Kathy from Ireland. We began talking when the pug she was dog sitting, Pepper, ran up to me and started playing. I was able to share my testimony with her and really tell her the truth of Jesus Christ. She was raised Catholic so we talked of Purgatory, death, and what a life living after Jesus looks like. It was a truly divine appointment and the Holy Spirit was with me, bless the Lord. Nearing the end of our conversation, she told me that she had really been closed to God even though she attended church regularly and that maybe now was the time to be open to what He has for her. I was able to share about 'mountaintops' and how coming down from the mountain is the hardest because that is when Satan attacks you and she said, "Wow, it's crazy that you just said that because that is where I struggle." It was really cool to see the Lord work today.

Then, I got so blessed right before leaving. I was hanging out with the nannies, as there are many here in London, and I was playing catch with the dogs that one of the nannies is in charge of, and I hit this guy sitting on a bench. So, I ran to go and apologize and that started a conversation and I find out that my new friend is leaving for South Africa tomorrow, Thursday, to be a volunteer worker with human rights and he's only been here for 2 days. It was just cool being able to have him for dinner and sharing love and laughter with him. He told us it was his, "best memory in London."

My life is just really cool, I constantly see that Jesus is so mighty a King, and I am so blessed. Words are not enough, bless the name of the Lord!

Some other things that have been going on are how God has been working on me relationally, how He is shaping my future to serve Him, and how to love and be loved and to be honest and real about love. It's an interesting set of lessons.

And, I don't have the energy to blog about the whole thing but let's just say India 2014 ;)

goodnight & love from London,
KB

Happy Easter!

A very stereotypical rainy morning in London found me today and I'm updating my blog from my new favorite hangout, Caffe Nero, and listening to my newest obsession 'Kye Kye.'

It's been the busiest week of my entire life although I have a feeling I might say that at the end of next week as well. We started the week here by taking 2 hour shifts twice a day to read through the entire Bible somewhere between 72 and 96 hours. On Thursday, we took Communion; Friday we woke up and went to Good Friday service at St. Peter's followed by the 'Walk of Witness' where we joined 150 other believers walking through the busiest street singing worship songs and going through parts of the Easter story, to finish our day we went to the local theater and watched 'The Passion of the Christ'; Saturday we did an astounding 6 hours of evangelism playing songs and worshipping our Lord in the streets....it was really cool and we made some great contacts in the city. I woke up this morning and went to church and then had lunch with the congregation. Throughout all these things there's been so much evangelism and love flowing throughout this city. It's really cool thinking about all we've done and it's only been 8 days! There's 41 more to really make an impact and love on London.

On the other hand, there's been a lot of spiritual warfare. London has a history of deep depression and I've definitely felt that here overwhelmingly so. Whether it's thoughts of cutting myself or just extreme and intense sadness, it's been there. We've prayed into it and that's definitely been somewhat of an opression lifter. And of course, my God is so much stronger than these things, that is obvious every single day and every single minute.

I've got to head back to the church now for our 4pm meeting so I'll try to write again soon.

Prayer requests: strength against depression/sadness, openness of the citizens, a real curiousness, protection, and boldness.

with love,

-KB

The Harvest Is Plenty.

It's been a chaotic and oh so busy few days here in London....the city is amazing. There is much work to be done here and now is London's time for revolutional change. I just intend to love people and it's been awesome already! I've met so many youth here and we are having a really big impact on the city as a group. In France, when we began saying hello to people they were very surprised but soon opened up...I'm finding the same thing here in London and believe we will see change very soon. It's a great city and we're living in a beautiful church right on the line between Westminster and Kensington & Chelsea.

We started our process of reading the entire Bible out loud and so far have gotten to 2 Kings, we go in 2 hour shifts in teams of 2 for a full 72 hours to complete the public reading of Scripture. It rocks, we have met so many people who are interested, curious, and just willing in spirit. May they be blessed in God's will.

I would just like to say, Hallelujah, I'm blessed and God is worthy to be praised for all His works. May I be so eager to bless Him when things are hard as they have been the past few days in certain areas.

I'm in awe of the love that I feel though in this place, it's just a great time in life right now. This 'season' is bringing about marvelous change in the kingdom of God. Sunday at church we were told that a few memebers of Afghan parliament had become Christians and that the youth there are embracing it. Praise the God of the heavenly realms....it's incredible.

Even people watching right now and meeting the baristas at my new and soon to be frequent hangout, Caffe Nero, I am so incredibly blessed. I don't have the time to fully update all that I want, but know that the Lord of Lords and King of Kings is here, he is so real, and if you don't know that truth ask for Him to make himself known to you.

Please be praying for London in the next 7 weeks and even after. We definitely need your prayers. Specifically John 4 verses 10, 14, an 34-38.

love,

Kortnee

Hands lifted high in praise

Heart broken for the world tonight.
A few days ago walking home I met a woman named El-H (el-awsh) and I was able to hear her story and her struggles here in Paris. This woman has a beautiful smile, warm eyes, a gentle voice, and a soft honesty in her tone...she has truly blessed me. There's something else about her; she is homeless. The world ignores her, looks down on her, and says she is not enough. I remember when I first saw her on Tuesday morning, she was a lump under a sleeping bag, and I thought, "...so many homeless people here," without knowing who this person was at all...and today I realized that I live in a very nice apartment, with a big warm blanket, comfy furniture...on a mattress. And yet, I complained because it was cramped, and it was hard on the floor, but did I forget that my ever so faithful and even more real God provided for me? Provided for our entire team? And I felt blessed because this woman is so joyous and I have realized that I am, too. And God is apparent in her entire story...even in her name; "El" it means 'god' and that's so cool. I just needed a reminder of how amazing He is. So pray for this woman; for protection, for faith, for kindness to be shown to her.

So much incredible passion among these brothers and sisters that I have met here. All with very intense testimonies that ring true of God's grace and compassion, of his goodness.  This week's lecture topic has been evangelism and God has opened many doors to do that.

On Tuesday, I met blind man in front of Sacre-Coeur and a musician who loves Jesus like there is no tomorrow. Man, have I been blessed. My heart has been torn apart, but compassion without action really isn't compassion at all, but apathy. I am in the place to give all of who I am...to really emulate Acts 16.10, "After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, convinced that God had called us to preach the gospel to them."

So, tomorrow evening I will board a plane to London and proceed to preach the news there, may the Lord be with us. May He triumph evil...oh wait, He already has.

You can pray for all these things, but especially for:
US missionaries being granted religious visas during customs tomorrow
For Juan to receive his visa (it was denied, but the enemy will not win)
For the city of London, for the people mentioned in this blog
For the city of Paris, for hearts, for the YWAM Lyon and YWAM Paris teams to be guided by the Spirit.

I'm getting used to being a missionary and I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I am convinced that this is what is true...that the true life saving gospel is that of Jesus Christ.


mercy triumphs over judgement and love abound,

Kortnee

Finally in Paris!

Sunday, we made a 5 hour trip to Paris by train and spent the afternoon finding our apartment! Monday was spent taking in the sights of a very beautiful city. We started at Notre-Dame and the Louvre and walked down the Champs-Elysees to L'arc de Triomphe, then we finished by having lunch at the Tour Eiffel! It was an amazing day! We have met so many people, shared the Gospel, gotten to praise God, and be in love with the truth of Jesus Christ...it's really basic foundational knowledge in my life and it seeps into everything I'm doing. I praise God, I praise you Lord for who you are, may I bless your name and be salt and light upon this earth.

The other students from the Lyon and Paris bases are awesome and we are really blessed to know them and have met more brothers and sisters in Christ, bless the Lord!

It's a short update since there is minimal internet accessibility and my computer is one of the ones that does not locate the signal! We fly out on Friday to London for 7 weeks of evangelizing, WHOOO! I will try to update there! Please be praying over London every day for softened hearts and for light to shine through to every crevice of the darkness that is there!

Be encouraged, you are not alone.
You may be lonely, but you are never alone.
May the Lord bless those of you reading, ask Him to penetrate the areas of your life that do not reflect Him, seek Him...He loves you and wants you.

group picture

Champs-Elysees/Arc de Triomphe

And AGAIN, the Lord PROVIDES.

Yesterday, I needed 3000 Euros to go on Outreach, today I found out that ALL expenses were provided. Yes, my God is GLORIOUS. I need to humble myself and say, Lord forgive me of my DOUBT! Let me not forget your faithfulness Father. You promised. And you cannot lie. MAN, I serve a GLORIOUS God! The One, True, Everlasting God!

The will of God will not take you where the grace of God will not PROTECT you!

12if we endure,

we will also reign with him.

If we disown him,

he will also disown us;

13if we are faithless,

he will remain faithful,

for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy 2.12-13

7 more days!

Yesterday, we went to Spain as a day trip and it was amazing! I explored by myself and hiked a very tall mountain to get to a statue of Jesus, which was so much fun. 

In one week, we go to Paris to have lectures and meet the other French DTS groups from Lyon and Paris which will be super exciting. After that we're headed to London for 7 weeks and then we return to Paris for 4 weeks.

Still needing money for Outreach so if you see read this, definitely be praying for that! If you would like to help out by making a donation, then just Click this link :)

Annnnnnd, pictures from Spain this weekend!

Right off the beach in Spain, pretty buildings everywhere

A statue of Jesus, this is when I decided I had to go up there

Dancing along with the marching band

Street performers

A clock, still can't figure it out

Precious kids, had to snap a photo!

Lots of boats!

One of the doors to the building where the giant Jesus statue was

A massive statue of a Divine Man who died for me

What a beautiful church, it's just a little over the top!

Team Photo, almost..we'll get one with every-Juan in Paris

P.S.---blog URL will be CHANGING in one week to "keepupwithkortnee.blogspot.com"

The duck confit was the best decision I ever made.

Sorry for not blogging in the last 8 days! I'll start with Friday and work my to now (Thursday).

On Friday, we had an act of Consecration, the act of laying things down to God. I, as well as the others, gave burnt offerings which were things in our lives that just needed to be given to the Lord. For some, it was their families, for many it was their nationality, for me it was makeup, my family, my nicer clothes. It was a very powerful show of laying ourselves down and literally handing everything to God. The next was the guilt/sin offering...don't worry, no animals were harmed, but these were things that were idols in our lives. A lot of people gave up materialism and in return the Lord blessed the group immensely. Some gave money to those in need, including me, and in one case someone was given $1,000. Also, I've been talking about shaving my head for about 3 weeks now and during this time I just said, 'Lord, I will only do something to my hair if you say to.' Then next we stood back to back with someone whose face we couldn't see, and we waited on God, and the person behind me got, "new haircut." CRAZY! So I had these long extensions in and after the day I took them all out and I'm rocking my natural hair and it's amazing. But, the LORD totally heard me and moved through that person (Isaiah 65.24) and we all saw God in a huge way! A mountain top experience! 

"When you have a mountaintop experience you need to remember that you have to come back down the mountain and when you do, you're going to be attacked by the Devil." Mark Parker, speaker week 9

So then I spent the weekend with a newly renewed group of believers! We had so much fun just hanging out! And then we were able to share the Gospel with someone who was completely open and that was just amazing!

Then we started a new week of lectures: Life in the Spirit

And with the mountain...well I came down this week...Monday and Tuesday were really rough for me, because I have struggled with depression before and sometimes I fall into it very easily. So it was a small build up of comments that were misunderstood, being down on myself, and totally not looking to the LORD. I responded like the Israelites by forgetting all the LORD had done over the weekend and saying 'DO SOMETHING ELSE! Why am I going through this???' but I asked for and received some very serious and urgent prayers and I'm back in the game! Wednesday we had evangelism and my partner and I met some opposition, but the greatest thing is that one of the groups had a woman accept Jesus Christ!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD! Definitely a great and beautiful thing! I'm still asking for Guidance, but in Isaiah 59.1 it says, "Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear." 

So the last week has been crazy, but now that I've passed the devil I feel good! I feel renewed in the Lord, thank you God!

In other news: 

The Lord put the nation of India on my heart and I'm looking forward to Him revealing what's next! Also, still needing finances and pretty excited to see how the Lord is going to provide in the coming days! Please keep me in your prayers and bless the Lord for His love.

Psalm 143

O LORD, hear my prayer,

listen to my cry for mercy; 

in your faithfulness and righteousness

come to my relief.

Do not bring your servant into judgement,

for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,

he crushes me to the ground;

he makes me dwell in darkness

like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;

my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;

I meditate on all your works

and consider what your hands have done.

I spread out my hands out to you;

my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O LORD;

my spirit fails.

Do not hide your face from me

or I will be like those who go down to the pit.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, 

for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

for to you I lift up my soul.

Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,

for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will,

for you are my God;

may your good Spirit

lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;

in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; 

destroy all my foes,

for I am your servant.

Majesty steps into the mess

"Just last week we were in San Francisco in the inner city there and we were going to do this conference where we go and we feed the poor, we cut their hair, we wash their feet, we give to them, we serve them, we show them grace. As we were getting ready for that on Wednesday, the leader of the rescue mission said, 'The conference is two days away, we have to make 10,000 hot meals and we don't have any meat or any money.' *Meanwhile the staff had been fasting and praying all week as they were trying to figure out solutions and offering their credit cards. Out of the blue about an hour and a half after he made that announcement Trader Joe's, the supermarket, called us and said, 'All of our freezers just broke down, could you use all our meat?' And this giant U-Haul shows up in front of the mission with pork chops, chicken, steak, everything else just loaded down with meat and it's worth cooking that meat and passing it out. We knew God provided."
-Francis Chan


"There are things tonight that are leading some of us to our death. For some of you, you don't even need me to say any more words, it's as clear as you're looking back at me. For some of you it's a relationship, and you've tried to justify it every which way possible, but the relationship is carrying you out of town and to your death. It's taking you away from the purpose of God. For some of you it's a misunderstanding of who Jesus is and it's carrying you away. You thought he was just someone who wanted a little nod from you occasionally or someone waiting for you to throw up a prayer in a desperate circumstance, or someone that you could manage or control or dictate to, or tell how you want life to unfold, and you've just misunderstood the reality of a risen Lord who commands, demands, deserves every single ounce of who you are. and life only works that way. It only works when He's everything and we're fully surrendered to Him and anything less that that is not Christianity. It is not following Jesus, it is not real faith. And you're misunderstanding, willful or not, of who Jesus really is raised up from the dead and what it means to link up with His purposes on Earth, it's leading you out to death...obviously for some of us that stretcher is just our sin and up until this point you've tried to control it, but the reality is clear tonight. It's leading you out to a hole in the ground. The stretcher could be a wound, something happened to you and you haven't let Jesus fully do His power and heal, and that thing's still in there festering and spewing out bitterness and hatred and resentment and anger and self-hate, self-degradation. You've yet to receive the word of God saying, 'I love you. I know what happened to you was awful, but I love you. I am for you, I will heal you, I will restore you, I will put your life back together again, I will use you, I will triumph through you, I will stand for you and fight for you. I am yours and you are mine. Put the past behind you, let the power of God free you and walk on in the life that God has for you. And because of some linkage that fell through they're carrying you out on a stretcher of some past wound or disappointment or hurt. It could be shame, I don't know what it could be, you know what it is...I just wonder if anybody in this building tonight feels like there's a funeral procession going on and even though you're here you're being carried out of town right now...and that wouldn't be weird because Jesus said, 'The thief comes only for this purpose. To steal, kill and destroy.' The enemy has a plan for you and it's to bury you, but I have a word for you based on the authority of who Jesus is and based on what I believe he's come here to do, but I have a word for you...there aren't going to be any funerals here tonight because Jesus is intersecting the funeral procession and He has the willingness and the power to raise the dead."
-Louie Giglio



Last night I remembered why I followed Jesus on this journey.
Because he told me to. Faith is hearing and obeying. For the longest time I had none of that. And now I have all of it, I heard and I obeyed and that doesn't stop here. We sang this song, "...I will not be silent, I will not be quiet anymore." And I just had to think that even here I still have to choose, I still have to listen and obey! I've been silent for 20 years of my life and I will not be silent anymore. I refuse to be...on January 5, I refused to be quiet and I refused to go back to a life of silence...I said NO. And I choose that right now. I will choose it tomorrow and every day after that.

I don't have to be scared of what Christ has defeated. God has all authority while Satan has none. The Devil has NO authority unless I give it to him. Every one and every thing on this earth, in and above it belongs to Jesus Christ, who is everything.


What is the church when we say things but we do nothing?
What they're saying is good, but their example is poor.
It's time to change. If we don't look any different, then we haven't changed and that's the truth.

No testimony without the Test..

19 more days until all money is due for the Lecture Phase & Outreach
21 more days until we're on the train to Paris, then flying to London for 7 weeks of Outreach
Followed by another 4 weeks in Paris and then flying back to Biarritz and staying here until June 22

It's so close!!! And it's awesome and amazing!!

We have seen 300 euros come in just this week! So we now have 6,597 euros to raise! Please be praying for us! Also if you would like to contribute there is a donate button at the side through Paypal OR you may send money through Paypal to accounts@ywambiarritz.com and you may type my name, Kortnee Barnes, into the message OR you can type, 'Outreach Funds' into the message.

Really amazing and cool addition to my testimony is that at Oklahoma State Univ. I was on a full ride and here God is really making me depend on and trust in Him and that is honestly just the most amazing and incredible thing ever.

Thanks for your love.

GOD IS GOOD!!

I'm in love.

I think that maybe things are taken away from us so that we can realize their true worth. That we can grow and focus our true desires in God, to be a true woman of God's word, and to give love that exceeds and knows no bounds...why? Because that is the love that He showed me. Before you can love someone, you must love the One. God is the only true love there is, the only unfailing love, the only pure love there is.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we would be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him." 1 John 3:1

Falling into joy, I'm falling into revelation
I praise the God of a self righteous generation
I'm running to the dark to shine Your light
There's life in the day, but there's death in the night

How great the love the Father has lavished on us
It didn't know You so it doesn't know us
I was called a child of God
Before I knew that's what I was
-Thank you for choosing me Jesus.

I'm in love, I'm in awe, I'm abandoned to Your will.
I give it all to you, everything that I am.
And I love telling people how much Jesus loves them.
So as you read this, know that Jesus loves you and so do I.

Here's some specific prayer requests,
last week on Wednesday during Evangelism we met this girl who was just here visiting. You can pray for her, she knows and believes some of the truths about Jesus, but not all of it. She is an amazing girl and Kelsey and I had an amazing time getting to know her and explore our city with her. <3

Also, I still need to raise $4,000 for my outreach in 4 weeks. Definitely be praying over that, I need some serious prayer warriors! And if you would like to make a donation the button is on the left :)

May the God of the Universe bless you. If you need prayer, please feel free to e-mail me or comment here :)

Love,
Kortnee

an e-mail sent to my cousin

Let me know if you have any questions about what I'm doing on what God is teaching me! I am more than excited to talk about His grace here. Yesterday, for example, we did evangelism at the beach. A group of us are musicians so we sang, but we didn't sing to the crowd per se, we sang worship music to Jesus...I mean we literally worshipped God on the promenade and the Holy Spirit fell on His people! We were giving it all and then a few in the group felt God asking us to speak to certain people. There was a man about 29 and a woman about 45, they were sitting all of 5 feet apart, but 2 different groups went to talk to each of them. The guy said that when we started singing he felt something that he could not explain. Juan got to tell him about Jesus and His power. Simultaneously the girls were talking with this woman and they told her about the school here and what God was doing and they asked if they could pray for her, she began to cry and said yes, they asked why she was crying and she said that her son had died 5 months ago and that the love of God was everywhere, she didn't want us to stop bringing praise to a most High God. Then last night one of the staffers felt God saying we needed to have a night of worship, dance, prayer, whatever but we needed to dedicate some time outside the classroom to Him. So we were praying and singing and God was moving and one of the students told a story of walking Dan's dog, Dan leads the DTS (Discipleship Training School), and the puppy ran up to this homeless man and began to lick him. Anyone else she bites when she sees them, but she licked him! So they began to talk to him, he was a homeless man from Europe who has lived in France for 15 years, and they were the first people to talk to him in two weeks. They got to share the gospel. And on Thursday afternoon, I'm meeting a girl that we played, "How He Loves Us" for, and I'm going to share God's love for her. How beautiful a creation she is to Him.

So when I say that God is working, I mean He is taking back His city! 

lukewarm love.

What do your extracurricular activities look 

like? A life set on God will yield fruit. 

Study of the Bible, yielding to His will, and 

serving as He commands. A life that is 

serving as He commands. A life that is

inward focused looks as self serving

activities: putting things you want first!

Whether your addiction is working out,

partying, or Facebook; whether your idols

are your friends, your things, or celebrities--

you are not focused on God. I am either

your everything or I am your nothing at all.

God doesn't want half of your heart, half of your

life, because He gave Jesus as your whole atonement

1 Corinthians 3:2 says by now we should

be eating solid food, but we are still drinking

milk; In Revelation 3:16, God says that 

if you are lukewarm he will spit you out of

His mouth, that he prefers you to be either for

Him or against Him. God is merciful, full

of grace, but He is just and there is a season

in your life where you have to grow up.

This morning's lecture basically wrecked my heart for Jesus, yet again. I've got to hate not just the things that are easy to hate, but also the things that are hard to hate and are accepted in our culture. Gossip, abortion, tattoos, piercings, jewelry.

**But, more than that I need to not confuse hate for sin as hatred of sinners.**

Keep your friendships, but hate sin.

Find a different environment to be around.

Call me if you want to watch football, call if you want to go to dinner, even to see a movie, but don't call me to come out and party because I will say no. Call me if you're drunk at 3 AM and need a ride, but don't call me to party, because I don't live that life anymore.

If you can be around it, then you don't hate it!

I hate clowns so you aren't going to find me around them, I hate Raclette cheese so you aren't going to find me eating it. You don't willingly decide to be around the things that you hate.

master. mission. mate.

1 john 2:15

"Do not love the world or anything in the world."

I know that my master is God. "...I chose you..." [John 15:16]

I know that my mission is to "suffer according to God's will..commit [myself] to the faithful Creator and continue to do good." [1 Peter 4:12-19]

And as far as the mate, it is clear that my heart does not desire that. [Matthew 19:9-12]

Jesus warns about it, God warns about it, the disciples warn about it, and now I am warning you about it. Do not be complacent and do not accept the watered down Gospel, because at judgement He will not be a watered down God. You are responsible for the truth that you know.

live it out.